Yesterday I found out what it must feel like to be a newborn giraffe.
Let me backtrack. As part of my shameless self-promotion campaign while I
try to raise fund for my first feature film, I was interviewed by two local
magazines and asked to do a photo shoot. That’s right, I would be stepping in
the unchartered territory known as “in front of the camera”. How difficult
could it be though?
First I was shuffled into the make-up room where I was met by a make-up
artist I had worked with on a previous production…and by “worked with” I mean
tortured on a daily basis to get the actors ready faster and faster each day
due to a pressured schedule. He smiled as I sat down and, before we knew it, as
he delicately painted my face, the photographer started rushing him along. So
that’s what it feels like; interesting table-turning experience.
Then, as I sat waiting for my magical transformation, a flurry of people
walked in, the editor, the art director... fussing over the clothes I would wear
with the stylist and I vaguely remember the editor coming up to me and saying “Darling,
for the second shoot, I want to see you crazy! Insane! Okay?”
What?
I should mention the clothes. So we had two spreads to do, one would be
jeans and a top and the other, a wedding dress to match the theme of my film.
It’s fitting that the first time I ever wore a wedding dress would be for a
photo shoot and not my actual wedding. But the dress wasn’t the problem. After
sucking myself into python-like jeans and a lacy pink top, I was presented with
the world’s most ridiculous shoes. Okay, perhaps not the most ridiculous, but
bad for me, a girl who lives in her flip flops and sneakers. They were black
velvet platform wedges; and when I say 'platform', I mean 'put-the-seventies-to-shame-platforms' and when I say ‘wedges', I mean '90-degree-angle-wedges'. The best part was that the
sole of the shoe tapered into what felt like a pinpoint, so it was smaller than
the base. Hence the newborn giraffe motif. I was wobbly on flat ground, but once
we were out in our location: a field in the middle of nowhere with gale-force
winds, someone was deliberately assigned to holding me upright and just letting
go the moment we had to take the photo!
Oh and I have to mention the best part…as if the shoes were not
ridiculous enough, the stylist had to tape pads to the soles to keep them
clean. Yes, as in Always-Ultra-Dry pads! No wings. So for anyone who ever
thought modeling was glamorous, try standing in padded stilts in the middle of
a field while a herd of goats walks by. Did I mention the goats? I swear I’m
not making this up. Only in Cyprus is a shoot interrupted so a herd of goats
can pass through. I suppose we were in a field. In Cyprus. It was inevitable.
Finally the fluffy white dress came on and fortunately for me, the theme
was ‘Runaway Bride’ so they made me wear sneakers (or tackies as we would say
in South Africa). This is where I gained new-found respect for models. I stood
in the field, with my back to the photographer and these were my instructions:
Gather your dress, turn your body towards me with your right leg and take a
step forward like you’re about to run, but don’t run, stoop your body forwards
but not too low, not too high either, shoulder down, chin up, look forward and
laugh. And go!
What the hell kind of pose is that?! Seeing as it was already a day for
animal impressions, I think this move could only be described as ‘funky chicken’.
The photographer giggling wasn’t helpful either and his gleeful statement “I
swear I’m not laughing at you,” was very unconvincing. But he somehow managed
to get some nice shots, so I forgave him.
So that’s it for my modeling career folks! Who would have thought making
a movie could get so complicated…and there are more fashion-related events to
come (where I will thankfully be behind the scenes) so stay tuned!
And if you're curious as to what all this is for, check out the link:
