I actually do have another Anna story. She doesn’t mind. In fact, she encourages this as a cautionary tale to randy women everywhere. Anna was the girl who dated a player, put out on the first date and was promptly dumped. Before she knew it, she and said player were shag buddies. This was completely out of character for her, so it happened very rarely and usually with huge amounts of guilt and panicked phone calls before and after. But she liked him, she was lonely, she had just moved to a new country and she was going with the theory of “better the devil you know.”
So I get another phone call, only this time, she’s whispering but she’s so angry, it sounds more like hissing.
Me: Why are you whispering?
Anna: You know how addicts have to hit rock bottom before they come to their senses? Well, I’m there: rock bottom.
Me: Where? Where is rock bottom?
Anna: I’m at his place…
Me: Is he asleep? Is that why you’re whispering?
Anna: No…it’s much worse than that…
She takes a deep breath and I can hear her shuffling around.
Anna: So he invited a bunch of us over for dinner last night and I ended up…well, spending the night. Then this morning, his friend John calls to say he’s stopping by to pick up his sunglasses. I barely have time to scramble out of bed when the doorbell rings…
Me: Oh man…
I should mention that none of our mutual friends knew about her ‘relationship’ and she would be judged pretty harshly for this in a small place like Cyprus. His reputation would remain untarnished, of course.
Anna: And it’s John’s wife.
Me: Oh?
Anna: She was close by so she came instead…
Me: Oh my...
Anna: ...with their two kids!
Me: ...God...
Anna: Meanwhile, I left my clothes in the spare room and got stuck in his bedroom in nothing but my knickers. He locked me in and went to open up for her.
Me: Okay, so that’s not so bad…
Anna: That was two hours ago!!!
Me: What?!
Anna: John came by afterwards to collect the chairs and tables they had lent him for the dinner party…
Me: Couldn’t he have told them to leave and come back later?
Anna: Yes, if he had a soul! And just as they were done, his parents arrived!
Me: So you’ve been sitting alone half-naked in his room for the past two hours?
Anna: Well, I wrapped a sheet around myself. And no, for the last half hour, I’ve been in his cupboard.
I have now buried my face in a pillow to keep from laughing. I fear this may push her over the edge…picture the headline: Woman strangles man with his own sheet.
Anna: I was busy texting and his mother needed to get something from his room while he was downstairs loading tables into John’s car. So I jumped into his cupboard and I’ve been hiding here ever since. But I can’t remember if I left anything outside, so my hiding might be in vain. So this is my lowest point. I shouldn’t be hiding in cupboards!! I’m the type of girl you introduce to your mother! Not the one you hide in your cupboard! When did I become that girl?!
Me: Don’t be so hard on yourself…
Suddenly there’s a sliding sound and I hear the player’s voice, “They’re gone.”
Anna: I’ll call you back.
And call me she did. I got the full (and much louder) rendition of how she took out all of her frustration on him. She has sworn, sworn, that it’s over. Personally, I need the blog stories, but good for her!
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